


Ad Meliora Vertamur

by Erandir



Series: Semper ad Meliora [3]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Agender Character, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Intersex Character, M/M, Original Character(s), Polyamorous relationship, Polyamory, Threesome, Threesome - M/M/Other, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-07
Updated: 2017-10-08
Packaged: 2018-09-07 02:09:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8778991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erandir/pseuds/Erandir
Summary: "Let us Turn to Better Things"Scenes from an alternate version of Semper ad Meliora in which Tainan survives the Conclave and Idhren's life is happier but no less complicated.





	1. The Breach

**Author's Note:**

> A gift to everyone that I accidentally murdered along with my favorite child (myself included).
> 
> This will not be a coherent story, but a collection of one-shots and scenes from the alternate universe, including stuff written for prompts or asks on [tumblr](http://erandir.tumblr.com). So if there's anything about this AU you want to know don't hesitate to ask. 
> 
> I recommend reading Semper ad Meliora if you haven't already, as there's a significant amount of backstory for Idhren and Tainan in it that will just be assumed here.

 

The day the sky was torn apart was the worst day of Tainan’s life. Many people could probably say the same, but the Dalish hunter was not of a mind to care much about anyone else at that moment. They were just outside of Haven when it happened: the explosion that rocked the ground and shredded the fabric of reality itself. Like so many others, Tainan could only stare helplessly at the massive column of smoke rising from the charred remains of the Temple of Sacred Ashes.

Idhren had been up there.

Without conscious thought Tainan went charging up the path toward the temple. That was when they first encountered the demons.

Tainan spent days in the valley, slaughtering demons alongside soldiers in a variety of armors. For the people here, all faction differences had been put aside in the face of the far more pressing threat and need for immediate survival. One soldier in particular seemed to be in charge – as much in charge as anyone could be in this chaos – barking orders and attempting to organize some form of defense. Tainan followed his lead, because they didn’t know anything about war, about demons, about anything on this scale. The hunter’s efforts apparently did not go unnoticed. The evening of that first day, when Tainan was trying to catch their breath before the next assault, taking stock of the few arrows left in their quiver, the commander approached. He offered Tainan a waterskin and a full quiver – belonging to someone who did not survive the day, Tainan assumed. “We’ll take all the help we can get,” the man informed him as Tainan warily accepted the items, unused to _shemlen_ being thoughtful in any way. “You’ve done well out there, and stayed when others ran.”

How could Tainan run? When the sky was raining demons and he still didn’t know what happened. “My…” what was the _shemlen_ word for it? “Betrothed… was at the Conclave. I won’t leave until I know what happened to him.”

The man’s face turned sympathetic. He’d seen the ruins of the temple, Tainan had too. But Tainan refused to believe that Idhren was dead until they saw it with their own eyes. Idhren was too smart, too powerful in his own right to let anything as mundane as an explosion kill him.

But by the third day Tainan was exhausted and their usual optimism was beginning to wane. Everyone they spoke to repeated the same rumors: only one survivor, walked out of the Fade. Still Tainan fought; firing arrow after arrow into the demons until their fingers bled and their shoulders ached. But there was no end in sight. The demons simply kept coming, and they were losing more people every day. How long could they keep this up? Even the commander – Cullen, he was called – was running out of encouraging words to keep the soldiers going.

Then everything began to turn around.

Tainan was perched atop a crumbling tower looking down the mountain path below and wondering if the people in Haven had come up with a plan to end this yet when the air was suddenly rent by a sound unlike anything they had heard before. By the time they turned around, the rift that they had been guarding for days was gone. Simply gone, as though it never existed in the first place. Tainan scrambled down from the tower and quickly made his way over, unable to believe it. So distracted staring at the empty space in the air, Tainan did not spare a glance for the people who had just arrived.

“Tainan?”

The hunter whipped around. That voice. Tainan had been waiting and hoping. “Idhren!” There he was, his traveling clothes spattered with mud and blood, but alive and in one piece. Bow falling forgotten from numb fingers, Tainan raced forward. They collided in the place where the rift had been, Tainan’s arms around his waist, clutching at him, lifting him off the ground. “I knew you weren’t dead,” Tainan breathed, “I knew it. You’re too good.”

Idhren let out a breathy laugh against their ear as Tainan set him back on the ground. “You’re not hurt?” he asked earnestly, took Tainan’s face between his hands as he looked up at them.

“I’m fine,” Tainan assured. There were aches and bruises, and bloodstains on their bowstring, but Tainan had seen worse. They were alive, and Idhren was alive, and if the world was ending at least they were together. “I’m perfect,” they added, and leaned down to capture Idhren’s lips in a kiss. “And you’re alright?” Tainan asked when they parted again. “It’s been days, where have you been?”

“Yes, I’m – AAH!” Idhren’s words were cut off by an abrupt cry of pain. There was a bright flare of green light and Idhren was clutching his left hand to his chest, his knees gave out under him and suddenly Tainan was the only thing holding him up.

“Idhren?” Tainan asked in alarm, sinking to the ground along with the mage, “What happened? What’s wrong?” He didn’t appear to be hurt, until Tainan realized that the green light was coming from him. Magic? But Idhren’s magic had never hurt him before.

“The mark is still unstable.” For the first time Tainan acknowledged the people who had arrived with Idhren. Among them was an elf, bare faced but a mage, judging from the staff he carried, a stern-faced woman in plate armor, and a dwarf hefting a massive, complex crossbow. “We must hurry to the breach before it gets any worse,” the mage said.

“What’s going on?” Tainan demanded fearfully.

“It’s this thing,” Idhren said softly, and held his left hand out, palm up, for Tainan to see. There, running across the face of his palm was a glowing green mark like nothing Tainan had seen before. “I don’t know what it is, but it’s connected to the rifts somehow. It closed this one, and others. It might close the big one, too.”

Tainan looked down at the mark on Idhren’s hand, then up into his eyes. This was well beyond their understanding. But Idhren was smart and he understood these things, so Tainan trusted him. “It’s hurting you?”

“It is killing him,” the stern faced woman answered for him.

Tainan blanched in horror. No, that couldn’t be. Idhren had just survived an explosion that leveled a mountaintop, they couldn’t loose him now.

“That does seem to be the case,” Idhren murmured. The spasm had passed, and he moved out of Tainan’s arms, pulling himself to his feet with the aid of a staff that Tainan realized now wasn’t his own. The expression on his face was more grim than anything Tainan had seen before. “If it can close the Breach then maybe…” Idhren’s gaze drifted up toward the sky and he trailed off as he set eyes on the swirling vortex above them. Then he tore his eyes away to look at Tainan again. “It should be safe here now. You should--.”

“I’m coming,” Tainan interrupted. They knew what Idhren meant to say, but Tainan had no intention of staying behind again.

"Tainan,” Idhren began to protest.

“I’m coming,” Tainan interrupted again, insistent and desperate. “The last time I let you leave me behind a mountain exploded with you on it.”

“We are wasting time,” the woman butted in impatiently. “We need to get you to the Breach. Whether he comes is unimportant.”

Idhren pursed his lips and frowned up at Tainan. “They,” he stressed, “Are staying here. Where it’s safe.”

“The Void with that,” Tainan cursed irritably, “I’ve been here three days already and it damn well wasn’t safe then. I. Am. Coming.”

Idhren opened his mouth to protest again, but almost on cue the mark on his hand flared up again, cutting off his words with a strangled cry of pain. The mage grit his teeth and instinctively Tainan reached out for him. When the pain passed Idhren’s shoulders slumped and he was breathing heavily. “Fine,” he said through clenched teeth without meeting Tainan’s eyes. “You can come.” Then he pulled away from Tainan’s grasp and turned toward the ruins of the temple.

Tainan scrambled to snatch up their bow again and followed.

 

* * *

 

A scream pulled Tainan’s attention away from the heat of battle and set panic piercing through their heart. “Idhren?” Wildly, Tainan’s eyes searched the battlefield for the mage until finally locating him. Idhren stood directly below the Breach, arm outstretched toward it and pierced with a green light unlike any spell Tainan had ever seen him cast. And he was screaming in pain. Struggling to stay on his feet like that mark on his hand and the staff in the other were the only things holding him upright. Tainan began racing toward him without thinking. Above their heads the rift screamed in protest and then closed with a sudden earsplitting crack. Idhren wavered on his feet for the briefest moment, and then collapsed. Tainan lunged forward, but was still too far away to catch the mage before he fell.

“Idhren… Idhren!” Tainan skidded to their knees beside Idhren’s still form, hands immediately moving, rolling Idhren onto his back and collecting him into their arms. The mage was out cold, and for one horrible moment Tainan thought him dead, until spotting the shallow, unsteady rise and fall of his chest. “Come on, city boy, wake up,” they shook Idhren gently as he lay cradled in their arms, fearful and desperate. So focused on Idhren that they didn’t hear the others approaching. So they were startled when the flat-ear mage crouched down before them and took up Idhren’s left hand despite Tainan’s suspicious glare and protective hold. “What are you doing?” Tainan demanded, “Don’t touch him.”

The mage’s eyes flicked up to Tainan’s face before his gaze returned to Idhren’s palm. “Use of the mark has exhausted him,” he said, ignoring Tainan’s questions. “It is too soon to say for certain, but I believe it is stable now.” He dropped Idhren’s hand and stood up again, addressing the woman again as though Tainan were not even there. “I should continue monitoring both the Breach and his mark until we are certain.”

“You will not!” Tainan snapped, “Who are you people? What did you do to Idhren?” After the past few days there was no way that Tainan was letting Idhren out of their sight again, or letting these people poke and prod and study him. Who knew what they had done to him already?

Their fury finally drew attention. The woman – looking at her now Tainan could only assume she was a Templar – looked down at where the hunter crouched with Idhren in their arms, her face set in a near-permanent scowl. “I should be asking the same of you,” she replied curtly.

“Are you blind, Seeker?” the dwarf asked, stepping up to join them. He hefted the crossbow over his shoulder and gestured toward Tainan, “You saw that reunion same as I did. That was the stuff of romance novels. Give the kid a break.” Then he turned fully toward the pair of elves and extended a hand. “Varric Tethras, rogue, storyteller, and occasional unwelcome tagalong,” he introduced, “And you are?”

Tainan glanced between all three of them suspiciously, but cautiously extended one hand to shake as they spoke, “Tainan.”

“Fine shooting out there, Tainan,” Varric replied. “Sorry everyone’s been too preoccupied to be polite,” he added, with a pointed look toward the others.

“I just want to know what’s going on,” Tainan said. “What’s wrong with him?”

“Why don’t we get him back into town and I’ll explain on the way,” Varric offered. “It’s kind of a long story.”


	2. Redcliffe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Redcliffe, Idhren witnesses the future they can expect if the Inquisition fails: what becomes of the world, and the people he loves.

They found Fiona first, behind a locked cell door that seemed useless in the face of what she had become. It was horrific. What Varric had been able to tell him about red lyrium was nothing compared to this. But she was able to confirm Dorian’s hypothesis. Harvestmere, 9:42 Dragon. A full year in the future.

They found Cassandra next, her condition less horrifying but no less dire. What had Alexius done to them?

Last they found Tainan. That was when the terror of the situation truly hit home. A blast of force magic shattered the lock on their cell and Idhren wrenched the door open with such force he nearly dislodged his shoulder.

“Idhren?” Tainan breathed as the mage fell to his knees before them. “You’re alive? How? I saw…”

Idhren reached out for his lover, but stopped himself. How bad was the red lyrium infection? Was it contagious? He wanted nothing more than to throw himself into Tainan’s arms, but feared causing his lover more pain or making himself ill in the process. “I’m alive,” he confirmed gently, hands hovering above Tainan’s chest. “I’m fine. Alexius’ spell went wrong. He tried to kill us, but he sent us into the future instead.”

“To the future,” Tainan let out a huff of incredulous laughter. “You ‘Vints and your crazy magic.”

“If we can find Alexius, and the amulet he used for the spell, then I should be able to reverse it,” Dorian cut in.

Tainan turned their gaze to Dorian – no longer that brilliant blue-green that Idhren was so fond of but sickly red in a face that was far too pale – and studied the man a long moment before looking at Idhren again. “You can do that? Reverse it? Then none of this will have happened?”

“Dorian says he can,” Idhren replied. “And he’s almost as smart as me.”

Tainan cracked a weak, pained smile and staggered to their feet. “If he’s even half as smart as you that’s good enough for me.”

“I feel as though I should be offended right now,” Dorian complained.

“Don’t worry,” Tainan replied, “No one’s smarter than Idhren.”

 

* * *

  
They had run out of time.

They had been found out, and the Elder One was on his way. Panic lodged in Tainan’s chest and for a moment the hunter wished they’d stayed in that cell. But no. Idhren would fix this, along with the other mage. The two of them had been talking of nothing but complex magical theory for the past several hours, between fighting for their lives.

“Give me an hour to figure out the spell,” Dorian held the magister’s amulet in his hands, examining it closely.

“You don’t have an hour,” Leliana snapped. “Whatever you do must be done now.”

The man looked up, for a moment looking flustered and overwhelmed before his expression settled into annoyance. “Well I could do it in ten minutes but it will be terribly anticlimactic,” he snapped back.

“We’ll buy you as much time as we can,” Tainan said.

Idhren’s eyes went wide when he realized what his lover was suggesting. “No,” the mage breathed, shaking his head. “No, I won’t let you.”

“You have to,” Tainan replied.

“You’ll die!” Idhren protested desperately.

“I’m already dead,” Tainan said. It was something they had come to accept long ago, sitting in that cell as the red lyrium took hold. “There’s no cure for this.” Idhren had to know it, too, but still the mage’s face twisted in anguish and he shook his head in denial. It hadn’t escaped Tainan’s notice that Idhren had avoided touching them this whole time; fear in his eyes that he tried to hide. So Tainan reached out with the hand that wasn’t practically glued to their bow and cupped Idhren’s cheek gently, watched as Idhren instinctively leaned into the touch. “You can fix this,” Tainan said with as much confidence as they could muster. “I know you can. You go back in time,” as insane as that sounded, “and you stop this from happening.”

Idhren blinked back tears, but nodded. He knew that was the only way, but that didn’t make it easier to watch Tainan walk knowingly to their death. And even if Dorian’s spell worked and they went back to fix their own timeline, this Tainan would still have suffered and died. Nothing would change that. “I love you,” he breathed.

The corner of Tainan’s mouth quirked in the barest flicker of a smile. “I love you, too,” they replied, then pulled Idhren in, crushing their lips together, hard and desperate and over all too soon. “Now go fix the world.”

 

* * *

  
The image of Tainan’s broken, lifeless body being dragged into the hall by a demon was burned into Idhren’s memory. Even after Dorian’s spell took hold and tossed them both back into the proper timeline it left Idhren horrified, dazed, desperately seeking out his lover among the crowd of startled onlookers.

Tainan was there, bow drawn and eyes wide with fear and confusion. But alive. Blessedly alive. And the eyes that met Idhren’s were blue-green, not red - bright even in the torchlight. Instinctively, Idhren took a step toward them.

“Idhren,” Dorian’s urgent voice pulled his attention away, forced him to turn around and look back at the man. “This isn’t over yet,” the man said.

No, it wasn’t. Idhren’s gaze was drawn to the magister, collapsed to his knees on the floor. Idhren had already killed him once, in that terrible future, and the urge rose to the fore again as he approached the man. But this Alexius surrendered without a fight, and killing the man placing himself at Idhren’s mercy would bring him no peace.

Then there were the mages. The Inquisition still required their help, and with Alexius out of the way and the king throwing the rebels out of Redcliffe, there was thankfully no negotiation required. And finally the whole ordeal was over. The entire room seemed to breathe a sigh of relief and Idhren’s feet were moving without conscious thought, practically running across the room to throw himself into Tainan’s waiting arms. He clutched tight at the hunter’s broad shoulders, breathing in the scent of them – their true scent no longer tainted by lyrium. “You’re alive,” he breathed, feeling Tainan’s arms wrap around his waist. “You’re alive.”

“Of course I’m alive,” Tainan replied, uncomprehending. They squeezed Idhren tightly before pulling back to look down into his face. “What are you talking about? Nothing happened. The magister tried…I don’t know, something. There was just a big flash of light… Why are you covered in blood?”

Hours and hours Idhren and Dorian had been in that horrible future, the better part of a day if Idhren had to guess. Had it really been no more than the blink of an eye here? “It’s a very long story,” he sighed, letting his hands fall back to his sides. That was when it hit him; the exhaustion, the fear, the grief. Idhren’s vision blurred and he realized he was crying. “He…” Idhren tried, but his voice cut out, too choked up to talk.

Without question Tainan pulled him back into their arms, tucking Idhren’s head underneath their chin. “It’s alright,” they murmured, “You can tell me later.”

 

* * *

  
The two elves sat shoulder to shoulder beside the campfire, speaking softly enough that Dorian could not make out what they were saying. Not that he was eavesdropping, or watching them. That would be childish and impolite. It was just that, several days on, Dorian was still trying to reconcile the Idhren that stood before him with the one from his memories. Five years was a long time, but this Idhren almost seemed like a different person. At least when his fiancé was around.

His fiancé. The gorgeous redhead whose shoulder Idhren was currently using as a headrest. Who made Idhren genuinely laugh and smile for the first time that Dorian could remember. Who Idhren had no qualms hugging and kissing in public, swapping pet names and flirtations.

Idhren was happy. That was the main difference. Good for him. He found what he had left Tevinter for. That was good. Dorian was happy for him. Happy. And not the least bit jealous.


	3. The Fall of Haven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the aftermath of the attack on Haven Tainan struggles to come to terms with Idhren's supposed death and finds comfort in an unexpected place.

“Here, you look like you need this more than I do.”

Tainan blinked slowly and raised their eyes from the campfire to find Dorian standing there holding out a bottle of amber liquid. For a moment Tainan continued to stare blankly, and then slowly reached out to accept the offering. “What is it?”

“Brandy,” Dorian replied, and sat down beside Tainan on the ground. “Someone must have liberated it from the tavern on their way out. I liberated it from the supply tent because… Well, it seemed like the only thing to do in this situation.”

“I don’t drink,” Tainan said, voice as numb as they felt.

“Then now is a perfect time to start,” Dorian encouraged.

Tainan looked down at the bottle and studied it thoughtfully. Beside them Dorian huddled closer to the campfire, watching the hunter out of the corner of his eye.

Tainan had been dragged literally kicking and screaming from Haven by The Iron Bull and his men, and had then spent several hours at their make-shift camp shouting at anyone who would listen – and several people who wouldn’t – about the need to go back and search for Idhren. Anger had turned to desperation as every one of their efforts to go back were prevented, and the shouting turned to pleas until eventually, physically and emotionally exhausted, Tainan had collapsed beside this campfire and fallen silent. No one seemed to know how to deal with the Herald of Andraste’s anguished lover other than to follow the Herald’s last wish to keep them safe, so after settling down Tainan was left alone. Everyone was too wrapped up in their own pain to bother with one grieving Dalish elf.

To everyone else Idhren was still only a symbol. The Herald of Andraste.

But not to Dorian.

Tainan pried the cork out of the bottle and raised it to their lips, taking an experimental sip. The liquid burned down their throat, making them gasp and cough once after swallowing. “People drink this for fun?” they asked in disbelief.

“I don’t know if ‘fun’ is the correct term,” Dorian mused thoughtfully. “But in my experience it tends to help in situations like this. At least in the short term.”

Anything was better than sitting here consumed with worry, alternately hopeful and despairing. Tainan took another drink from the bottle. The liquid went down easier this time, although they still winced in the aftermath. But it settled warm in their stomach in a not unpleasant way. After a moment of consideration, Tainan offered the bottle back to Dorian. “You knew him in Tevinter, didn’t you?”

“I did,” Dorian answered. He accepted the bottle and took a swig from it. The brandy was not terrible, it was a pity they had no glasses to properly enjoy it. “We attended the same Circle for a time,” he elaborated after lowering the bottle.

“What was he like?” Tainan asked. “Back then… He… He doesn’t like to talk about Tevinter.”

“That doesn’t surprise me,” Dorian murmured, “Tevinter is not kind to elves, even free ones.” He fell silent for a moment, thoughtful, recalling the first time he and Idhren had met. It was ages ago. “He was shy when we first met,” he said, “Still acted like a slave, even though he wasn’t anymore. But if you managed to get him talking… He was damn clever. Now you can’t get him to shut up,” he groused.

“I like that about him,” Tainan admitted. A tiny smile pulled at the corner of their mouth, remembering any number of moments Idhren had gotten carried away talking about his magical theories. He was so passionate, Tainan could listen to him for hours even if he didn’t understand a word. “He’s not dead,” the hunter said with conviction.

“No,” Dorian agreed. “He’s one of the best mages I’ve ever seen. If anyone could get through this, it’s him.”

“I want to look for him,” Tainan said, mostly to themself. Sitting here and waiting was too painful, too nerve-wracking. “He’s out there somewhere. In the cold. He hates the cold. No one is looking for him.”

“How much use do you think you’ll be to him if you get yourself lost in a blizzard as well?” Dorian asked sympathetically.

“None,” Tainan was forced to admit, but they were not happy about it.

“Exactly,” Dorian replied. “I don’t think anyone wants to be just sitting here, but we can’t do anything until the weather passes.”

Tainan knew that, logically. This was the sort of weather that could cripple a clan; that sent them hiding in caves or old ruins. But there was nothing logical about the emotions roiling in their chest.

Over the next hour they emptied the bottle. By then the wind had begun to pick up and they retreated from the fireside into a make-shift tent for what little shelter it would provide against the oncoming storm. Tainan wavered on their feet during the short walk and immediately collapsed onto the ground at the back of the tent. There were no blankets or bedrolls to spare – all given to the wounded – so they simply pulled their knees up to their chest and rested their forehead on them. The alcohol had done nothing to improve the hunter’s mood. They were, in fact, as solemn and miserable as when Dorian first approached them.

Dorian wrapped his robes more tightly around himself and took up a seat beside Tainan. He was worried, also. Frightened. Idhren was his oldest friend. One of few he’d ever had. He had been jealous of Tainan before, but now he didn’t envy them in the slightest.

A full day passed as the snowstorm passed over the Inquisition’s makeshift camp. It was all anyone could do just to batten down the tents as best they could and wait it out.

Tainan grew more withdrawn by the hour. The hunter barely moved from their spot at the back of the tent. They fell asleep briefly, waking only a few hours later with a start and shaking in the aftermath of some nightmare. After that they didn’t speak, and refused food when it was offered. When the storm passed they were up and once more demanding search parties, although with none of the passion and fury of before. Tainan moved with a sort of weary desperation, as though doing this was the only thing holding them together. For all Dorian knew it might be.

Three days the Inquisition floundered in the mountains. Tensions rose throughout the camp. No one knew where to go from here. No one knew how to pick up the pieces. Tainan tried to stay hopeful, but the more time passed the more difficult that became.

They stopped asking for search parties. Cried in the dead of night when everyone else was asleep and stood at the edge of camp staring across the snowy landscape as though any moment Idhren might appear on the horizon.

The shout came in the late afternoon of that third day. A scout running down from the higher pass that banded the shallow depression where the survivors of the Inquisition had made camp. At first Tainan did not react. It took a long time for the words to register in their mind, so clouded as it had been with fear and grief.

“Send for a healer! They’ve found the Herald!”

Understanding came upon Tainan slowly. They found the Herald. The hunter gasped aloud. Idhren. Whipping around, Tainan’s eyes immediately sought the source of all the shouting. They found Idhren.

“Where is he?” Tainan demanded, legs moving without conscious thought, racing across the soggy, snow-covered ground and grabbing the startled scout by the arm. “Where is he?”

They must have looked a sight, the way the scout stared, eyes wide and mouth agape for a long moment before the poor boy – barely out of childhood from the look of him – pointed back the way he had come. Tainan was gone in a flash, in a whirlwind, racing through the camp and dodging between tents until they saw him. And at that first sight Tainan skidded to a stop, horror and shock seizing their heart. “Idhren?” That was him. Cold and limp and ever so small in Cullen’s arms as he was carried into camp. “Idhren!” It couldn’t be. It couldn’t be.

The commander disappeared into a tent, taking Idhren’s limp form with him. Tainan was off running again, barreling straight for that tent until Cassandra stepped straight into his path, blocking the entrance. Tainan skidded to a stop again, nearly hitting her. “What are you doing?” they asked. “I need to see him!”

The Seeker stood firm. Arms crossed in front of her chest and solid as a brick wall keeping Tainan away from the most important thing in the entire world. "A healer is on the way," she said, as though that made a lick of difference.

"You have to let me see him!" Tainan exclaimed, distraught. So close and yet so far away. Why was she stopping him? "I don't even know if he's alive!"

Tainan hadn't been aware of anyone coming up behind them, they were so focused on getting into that tent, so when a hand came to rest of their shoulder the hunter nearly jumped in surprise. They spun, half expecting it to be another member of the Inquisition come to subdue them by force. But it was Dorian, rough from so many days in this make-shift camp and no longer able to mask the concern on his face. "Come now, Seeker Pentagast," the man said, "I know there must be a heart somewhere inside that armor. Have pity on the poor man."

Cassandra scowled at Dorian for a moment, then turned her gaze back to Tainan. The hunter didn't even have to try and look more pathetic to earn her sympathy. They were a wreck after so many days of uncertainty and fear - hair tangled and wild, dark circles under their eyes, and currently on the verge of tears as the exhaustion and desperation threatened to overwhelm. "He lives," she relented. Tainan deflated visibly. "But he is weak. I don't believe anyone should see him before the healer."

"Please," Tainan begged. Hearing that Idhren was alive helped, but it did not entirely ease Tainan's fears. Besides, they were not about to leave Idhren alone with a strange healer to poke and prod at his body while Idhren couldn't defend himself. "I just want to see him."

"Do you honestly think the Herald's betrothed would do anything to harm him?" Dorian asked, further backing up Tainan's pleas.

"I suppose not," Cassandra admitted begrudgingly. "Very well," she relented, and stepped aside.

Tainan brushed past her as though she hadn't even been standing there in the first place, but stopped suddenly with a hand on the tent flap. Looking back over their shoulder they met Dorian's eyes, their own wide, blue-green, and full of emotion. "Thank you," they said earnestly, knowing that without Dorian's intervention the situation might have escalated. Tainan had been too emotional, and though Dorian clearly cared about Idhren a great deal as well, he had been a welcome voice of reason throughout this ordeal. Then, without waiting for a reply, Tainan pulled back the tent flap and slipped inside.

It was much dimmer inside, and Tainan paused to let their eyes adjust. From outside he could still hear the bustle of the camp, and Dorian speaking with Cassandra. "I suppose you won't let me in, though? The Herald's oldest and dearest friend? ... No, I'm not surprised. Do let me know how he's doing later, would you?"

That wasn't fair, something in the back of Tainan's mind recognized, but they were not in the correct frame of mind to acknowledge it. When their eyes adjusted to the dim light, Tainan took in the scene before them. Cullen was still there, crouched beside a small fire pit in the center of the space that he was carefully stoking into a small but healthy flame. On the far side of the fire, laid out on a bedroll and with a blanket laid over him already, Idhren still looked as pale and still as though he were dead. Tainan practically raced across to his side, collapsing to their knees beside the bedroll.

"He lives." Cullen's voice pulled their attention briefly away from Idhren's form and Tainan looked up at the man. Idhren may have been wary of the former templar, but Tainan had great respect for the man as a soldier and found him to be an honorable sort.

"How is he?" Tainan asked, eyes immediately going back to Idhren's face. It was so pale and he looked so frail lying there.

"Not good," Cullen said honestly.

It wasn't what Tainan wanted to hear, but they would rather honesty than lies meant to comfort. Sitting beside him, Tainan reached out and placed a hand on Idhren's cheek. It was like ice. "He's freezing," they breathed. Suddenly they thought of that first winter Idhren had been with the clan. How miserable he had looked the whole time, shivering in the snow, and how much Tainan had wanted nothing more than to bundle him up and hold him close until he was warm again. And the next winter when they had done exactly that. Tainan knew what you were supposed to do in times like this, for hunters caught in a sudden storm or a child fallen through thin ice, but for some reason that knowledge completely escaped their grasp at the moment.

"Maker knows how long he was out in the snow before we found him," Cullen sighed. "He needs to be warmed up, out of those wet clothes. But I'm afraid there may be injuries we can't see. A healer should be here soon."

Tainan just nodded, staring down at Idhren's frozen face. They smoothed his hair back off his forehead, brushing melting frost from the strands as the tent began to warm now that the fire was flickering merrily before them. Idhren's breathing was shallow, but he was breathing. He was still alive. Hurt, weak, frozen, but still alive. Tainan's vision blurred, but they forcibly blinked back the tears. Not now. Not while Idhren needed them.

The healer showed up moments later. Two of them, actually. One a mage that Tainan did not recognize, and the other that Circle enchanter that Idhren hated. Tainan had not yet had the opportunity to speak with her, but they had listened to Idhren rant and complain about the few interactions he'd had with her. "We'll need space to work," she said curtly as she surveyed the scene.

Cullen rose to his feet easily and offered her a polite nod. "Let me know if there is anything you require," he said before turning to leave.

Tainan remained seated. The unfamiliar mage came and crouched beside them, placing a hand on Idhren's forehead and hissing softly at the coldness of his skin.

"I'm afraid you'll need to leave as well, my dear," the enchanter's voice cut through the silence that followed Cullen's departure.

Tainan flinched and looked up. The woman was looking down at them as she rounded the fire. Tainan met her gaze with a determined glare. "I won't leave him."

The woman frowned. "These aren't the best of conditions to be working in," she tried to reason. "It would be better to have no distractions so we can concentrate. It's nothing personal. You want him to be well again soon, don't you?"

"Of course I do," Tainan argued. "But I'm not about to leave him alone with a bunch of _shemlen_ to poke and prod at him. He's been through that enough already."

"He may have injuries in addition to the obvious hypothermia," the woman sighed. "By definition, treating them requires a bit of 'poking' and 'prodding'."

"I'm not an idiot," Tainan snapped defensively. "But I will not leave him. He is my betrothed, and I will see that you treat him properly."

"Madame de Fer," the other mage interrupted, "He may be able to assist. The Herald's temperature is frighteningly low. We need to warm him up as quickly as possible. To start with," she added, turning to Tainan. "We should get him out of these wet clothes."

Tainan's eyes went wide. "Don't you touch him," they snapped protectively.

The enchanter knelt beside Idhren's head and placed her hand on his forehead as well. "You are correct," she replied, then looked to Tainan out of the corner of her eye. "My dear if you are only going to hinder our attempts to help I will need to have you forcibly removed."

Tainan seethed. "You don't touch him," they hissed. "If someone has to change his clothes I'll do it. He's been manhandled enough by _shemlen_." And he knew how insecure Idhren still was about his body. He wouldn't want anyone to see him as a freak or a curiosity, and Tainan wouldn't let them.

"Very well, I suppose that will do," the enchanter relented. "But do move quickly, we're not doing him any good sitting here arguing."

"Whose fault is that?" Tainan grumbled under their breath, but immediately set to the task. They moved quickly, practiced fingers stripping Idhren out of his clothing, though it was more difficult when Idhren wasn't also helping to get them off. They all but ordered the two mages to turn around before peeling off Idhren's undergarments and pulling him into a fresh undershirt and a pair of pants that were notably too large. These were not Idhren's clothes, but very little had been salvaged from Haven, these were likely the best they had.

Throughout the whole process Idhren barely stirred, and that concerned Tainan greatly.

Throughout the whole process Idhren barely stirred, and that concerned Tainan greatly. It worried them even more than the dark bruises that colored Idhren's skin, visible now that his armor was off. His skin was still frigid, although Tainan liked to think that he was beginning to warm slightly thanks to the fire.

Then the healers got to work.

Tainan sat back out of the way, but watched like a hawk every little thing they did. But despite being raised by a Keeper and having spent several childhood years dreaming of becoming a mage, Tainan still understood very little about magic. It was probably something a non-mage could never fully understand no matter how hard they tried. How long it took Tainan had no idea. There was no concept of time passing, only the endless worry. But ever so slowly the color was coming back to Idhren's cheeks, the bruises lessened minimally under the mages' care, and Idhren began to shift slightly in his sleep.

And after what felt like an eternity for so little improvement, the enchanter declared, "I believe we've done all we can for the moment."

When Tainan tore their gaze away from Idhren and was surprised to find the woman looking rather strained and drawn, tired even. She was obviously trying to hide it, but the effort of stabilizing Idhren's condition had clearly exhausted her. Suddenly they were far more grateful for her help. "Will he be alright?" Tainan asked, moving closer to his side again.

"He is not out of the woods yet," the other healer answered. "Magic is not a miracle cure. He will need rest, food, to be kept warm. We've stabilized him and started the healing process, and we can help it along, but his body will have to do most of it on its own."

Tainan nodded in understanding. Almost unconsciously they reached out and pulled the blanket up over Idhren's shoulders, tucking him in carefully to ensure he stayed warm. "I'll stay," they volunteered, as though there were any question. Tainan had no plans for leaving this tent any time soon. When the two mages finally took their leave, Tainan laid down on the ground beside Idhren. A part of them was still afraid to touch him, to get too close for fear of hurting him again. But Idhren was here now, safe even if he was still injured, and the worry of the past few days was beginning to ease, and with it the anxiety that had kept Tainan from sleeping. Idhren was here. He was alive. Tainan curled as close to Idhren as they dared, slipping under a corner of the blanket and taking hold of the other elf's hand. His fingers were warm now. Tainan closed their eyes and let their forehead rest against Idhren's shoulder and eventually fell asleep like that.

 

* * *

 

Despite their exhaustion, Tainan slept lightly. It seemed the worry was not completely abated, and the slightest shift from Idhren jolted them awake again. The first time, Idhren shifted under the blanket and let out a small whimper and Tainan was awake in an instant. "Idhren?" they breathed hopefully. Idhren's eyelids fluttered, but did not open entirely, there was no indication that he'd heard Tainan's voice. Dreaming, then? But if Idhren was dreaming that was a good sign. "Shh," Tainan soothed when a small pained moan escaped the mage's lips. They reached a hand up and smoothed Idhren's hair back from his forehead. "I'm here, vhen'an," they murmured, and pressed a kiss to the tip of his ear, "I've got you. You're safe now."

One hand clutching at Idhren's hand and the other gently carding through his short hair, Tainan lay there murmuring small words of comfort until Idhren's sleep grew calm again.

 

* * *

 

When Idhren finally woke from the fever dreams that had plagued him for Maker knew how long, he felt stiff and sore, but also strangely comfortable.  He was warm, secure, surrounded in a particularly familiar smell. When he peeled his eyes open at long last the first sight that met them was a shock of red hair. It took conscious effort to shift his arms after so long abed as he reached out and brushed errant strands out of Tainan's face. The hunter was sleeping, their arm a comfortable weight across Idhren's stomach. He had no idea how long he had been unconscious. His body felt as though it were made of wood, limbs heavy and joints stiff. But after everything he had been through to get here, seeing Tainan's face was like the first rays of sun after a storm.

At the touch Tainan stirred, and then their eyes fluttered open, blinking a few times before focusing on Idhren's face. "You're awake," they breathed in amazement, then leaned in to press their face into the crook of Idhren's neck. "Mythal'enaste, I was so worried."

Idhren opened his mouth to speak, but the words caught in his throat, sore and dry, and all that came out was a rough cough.

Almost instantly, Tainan was sitting upright. "Oh! I have water, and food. You must be starving it's been days," they spoke quickly, moving away from Idhren's bedside. A moment later they returned with a small wooden bowl and a pitcher of water. Fussing with too-gentle hands and rambling soothing nonsense, they helped Idhren to sit up just enough to tilt some of the water into his mouth. It was cool and soothing going down his throat, a welcome relief.

"How are you feeling?" Tainan asked as they lay Idhren back down ever so gently. As though he were made of glass. Such treatment should have been annoying, but not at the moment. He felt rather like he was made of glass at the moment.

Swallowing one more time to wet his throat Idhren answered, "Sore." His voice still came out hoarse. "'M sorry," he croaked out also, reaching weakly for Tainan, who took up his hand immediately.

"Sorry?" the hunter asked in confusion. "What for?"

"Making you worry," Idhren replied.

Tainan didn't reply right away. They cradled Idhren's hand between both of theirs, one thumb absently tracing along the lines of his palm. "I thought you were dead," they whispered eventually, voice tight. "The dragon, the avalanche, the storm... How could you survive all that? And no one would go look for you, or let me go look."

"I'm sorry," Idhren said again. With each word that passed his lips talking became easier.

Tainan shook their head. The action knocked strands of hair free and they tucked them back behind their ears absentmindedly. Idhren realized that the knot of braids that usually held his lover's hair back was messy and unkempt, clearly neglected while they worried for him. He wanted to fix it, but he couldn't even sit up right now. "This is the second time," Tainan said, pulling Idhren from his thoughts. "I don't want you to be a hero, Idhren. I want you to be with me."

“I know,” Idhren murmured. He squeezed Tainan’s hand with as much strength as he could muster, which wasn’t very much at all. “But I don’t want anyone else to die.”

“Neither do I,” Tainan agreed. Of course they didn’t want anyone else to die, but why did Idhren have to be the one to sacrifice himself? “I wish we’d never come here.”

Idhren frowned. “That’s not like you,” he said in concern. “To run away from people who need help.”

“That was before it almost got you killed!” Tainan exclaimed. “Why did it have to be you? Why did it have to be… holes in the sky and dragons and that… that Elder thing? I can’t fight that! I can’t protect you from that!”

“Tai,” Idhren’s voice was quiet, still weary, but it was enough to silence Tainan. “I wish it wasn’t me… but it is. So I have to try, don’t I?”

Tainan sniffed unattractively and blinked rapidly, but even in the dim light of the tent Idhren could see how their eyes glistened with unshed tears. “I think I liked you better when you were selfish,” they muttered, but the attempt at humor fell flat. It wasn’t true, and Idhren had never been all that selfish to start with.

“Tai,” Idhren sighed. He reached out for them with sore arms, muscles stiff from healing and disuse. Responding to the unspoken request, Tainan moved without hesitation, laying down beside Idhren once more. With all the strength currently left in his weary body, Idhren rolled over onto his side – thankfully the uninjured one – and pressed himself close to Tainan’s chest. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, barely audible.

“It’s not your fault,” Tainan replied just as quietly. Almost too gently they ran their fingers down Idhren’s cheek, up the shell of his ear, before wrapping an arm carefully around Idhren’s waist.  


	4. Daddy Issues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Idhren makes a confession, and Tainan and Dorian have a chat about dads.

They were two days out from Redcliffe on the road back to Skyhold. Dorian had been uncharacteristically quiet since he and Idhren had stepped out of the tavern. Idhren was worried, Tainan could tell. He kept looking at Dorian whenever he thought no one would notice, his expression one of deep thought. Tainan wanted to ask what had happened in that tavern. Idhren had come out furious and fuming, Dorian solemn and restrained. Tainan was desperately curious, but knew it was none of their business. 

“Tai,” Idhren said quietly when they had retired to their tent for the night. “I want to tell you something, but… You have to promise not to be upset.”

A worrying request. Tainan frowned in concern, “Is something wrong?”

“Not necessarily,” Idhren tried to reassure, but he wouldn’t meet Tainan’s eyes as he spoke. “I…” he began, and then cut himself off, pausing for a moment to collect his thoughts before speaking again. “There’s so much going on, and I’ve been thinking a lot, and I…” He swallowed heavily before continuing in a voice laced with shame and uncertainty, “I think I’m still in love with Dorian.”

It took a moment for the words to sink in. And then the only thing Tainan could think of to say was “Oh.”

“But I still love you!” Idhren added quickly, insistently, “I love you as much as I ever have, and I still want to be with you. That hasn’t changed, I swear! I… I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“It’s alright,” Tainan replied, though still processing the information. “I can see why you would.” Tainan hadn’t known Dorian nearly as long as Idhren, but long enough to know that he was a good man. And attractive, and smart, and charming. It was easy to see why Idhren would like him – they had a lot in common.

“You know I wouldn’t do anything, even if he felt the same,” Idhren continued, desperate to assuage any hurt feelings. “I just wanted to be honest with you. Are you angry?”

“No,” Tainan answered, and watched Idhren’s eyes widen in surprise. Honestly, Tainan was a little surprised as well. The revelation was a bit of a shock, but with all Idhren’s assurances Tainan found they couldn’t be upset. “If you still love me, then I don’t see the problem.”

“Really?” Idhren asked in confusion. “You’re not bothered at all?”

Tainan shrugged. It did hurt a little, to know they weren’t the only person Idhren loved. “You said you won’t do anything,” they reasoned. “And at least you have good taste.”

Idhren’s laughter was breathy and relieved. Tainan could actually see the tension leaving his shoulders as he relaxed. “I would never do anything to hurt you,” he said earnestly. “I won’t say anything to him. Nothing will change.”

“I know,” Tainan replied without question. “You can stop apologizing.”

“I’m sorry,” Idhren said automatically, and then cringed. “I just thought you’d be more upset. This is… This is weird, right? Loving two people? That’s not normal.”

“When have either of us ever been normal?” Tainan asked.

Idhren laughed again, and it was a little less nervous this time. “Never,” he replied. 

\----------

Tainan had told Idhren that they were not upset about the mage’s feelings for Dorian, but it was impossible not to be at least a little bit jealous. 

They trusted Idhren when he said he would not do anything. Trusted him implicitly. That was not the problem. Tainan never feared that Idhren would leave them, never for a second. But it was impossible to deny that he and Dorian shared a connection that Tainan could not compete with. 

Idhren and Dorian had known each other since they were schoolchildren. School itself was a concept Tainan could not understand. They were from the same country, grew up in the same culture, and spoke a language that Tainan did not understand. Literally. On the road back from Redcliffe Idhren had said something to Dorian in Tevene that made the man laugh; no small feat at the moment. 

But even without their shared history, Dorian had something that Tainan could never match. He was Idhren’s intellectual equal. 

Of course Idhren was in love with him. Why wouldn’t he be? They were perfect for each other.

And Idhren seemed convinced that Dorian had no feelings for him whatsoever, but Tainan was not so certain. 

On the mountainside after Haven fell Tainan had been too consumed by their own grief to notice much of anything else, but they remembered how Dorian had been the only person to offer them sympathy. The only one who seemed to be worried about Idhren as a person rather than the Herald of Andraste. They saw the way that Dorian sometimes watched Idhren when he thought no one was looking, the way the man lit up when he and Idhren spoke about magic. 

Dorian did care about Idhren, maybe even as more than a friend. 

Tainan should try to get to know him better.

\----------

“Are you busy?” Tainan waited until after they had returned to Skyhold. After they had time to wash and rest and fall back into the daily routine. It was a day after they got back before they sought out Dorian in the library. 

“Not particularly,” the man answered, looking up from the book in his hands. “Something I can help you with?”

“I just wanted to ask how you’re doing. After Redcliffe,” Tainan replied.

Dorian’s expression closed off. He frowned, and then sighed. “I suppose Idhren told you everything, did he?”

“No,” Tainan answered. “He hasn’t told me anything.” Not about what happened in that tavern, anyway. “But I gather it was bad. You were unusually quiet on the trip back. Are you alright?” The look that Dorian gave them after the question was somewhere between suspicion and surprise. “If you don’t want to talk about it that’s fine,” Tainan amended quickly, “I can leave.”

Tainan actually began to step backwards out of the alcove that Dorian had made his own, but another weary sigh stopped them. “No,” Dorian sounded tired. As Tainan watched his shoulders slumped and his defenses fell away so that he looked tired and sad. “I apologize, I’m simply… Not used to people caring.”

Like Idhren, when they had first met. “It’s alright,” Tainan assured. 

“Are you certain you really want to know?” Dorian asked, giving Tainan one last chance to walk away. “I wouldn’t want to bore you with all the worst details of my life.”

“I already know all of Idhren’s,” Tainan replied easily. And they got the impression that Dorian knew most of Idhren’s darkest secrets as well. “Can’t be much worse.”

“No, I suppose it can’t,” Dorian agreed. “Very well,” he relented, “Come sit down, then. How much do you know about Tevinter?”

With no other options Tainan took a seat on the floor beside Dorian’s chair. “Idhren says it’s a shithole,” they replied.

Dorian snorted as he set aside the book he had been pretending to read, “Well, he’s not wrong.”

So Dorian talked. And Tainan listened. Listened with mounting horror and disbelief as Dorian explained how and why he’d become estranged from his family. 

“Who could do something like that to their own family?” Tainan asked. It was difficult to keep their voice low. They were conscious of the fact that Dorian would not want this conversation overheard, but so offended on his behalf.

“You’d be surprised,” Dorian muttered bitterly. “This is Tevinter we’re talking about.” 

Tainan scowled down at the carpet as they processed all that Dorian had told them. It seemed to horrible to believe, but why would Dorian lie about this? He’d know that Tainan could just go and get the true story from Idhren. So it had to be true. “Tevinter is a shithole,” he said.

Dorian slumped back in his chair. He looked weary more than sad. Resigned. “There is still some good in my homeland,” he tried to argue, but at the moment he didn’t have the strength, “But as a whole… Yes, it tends to be.”

“The Dalish also think it’s very important to have kids, because there are so few of us,” Tainan mused, “But you don’t need to be married to make kids. And I don’t think any keeper – any good keeper – would force someone like that. That’s horrible.” 

That was an interesting tidbit of information, and Dorian eagerly seized upon the opportunity to change the subject. “You and Idhren were planning on having children?” he asked. He found that difficult to picture; but he’d found it difficult to picture Idhren marrying and here he was talking his fiancé. 

Tainan looked up again, studied Dorian’s face a moment, and then shrugged. “We haven’t talked about it seriously,” they replied. “I’m not sure if he’d ever want kids of our own.” Idhren still had so many insecurities about his body Tainan couldn’t bring themself to ask whether it was even possible. “And sure I could find a woman in our clan or another who was willing and put another Dalish baby in the world, but that’s… I don’t want to do that. My father did that, and it didn’t work out very well.”

“They would want you to sleep with some random woman?” Dorian asked in surprise. “Just to sire are child? And then what? Never speak to it again?” 

“Ideally, that wouldn’t be the case,” Tainan said. “But there are one hundred and thirty two people in Clan Lavellan, including children. Some clans are even smaller. If we don’t keep our numbers we’ll die out.”

Dorian supposed that made sense, but it was still strange to think about. “Well, my parents loathed each other, so I can’t say Tevinter’s customs are any better,” he mused.

“My father loved my mother,” Tainan protested. “But he never liked children. They did their duty for the clan and had me… Only she died,” they said quietly, pulling their knees up and resting their chin on them. “I think he always blamed me.”

“I’m sorry,” Dorian said reflexively. That was a heavy burden to be placed on a child. “Was he cruel?”

“No,” Tainan replied. “Mostly he just pretended I didn’t exist unless it was convenient.”

That was a feeling that Dorian knew all too well, actually. As a child he’d spent more time with tutors and nannies and servants than his own parents. Only worthy of their attention when he’d done something particularly impressive, or particularly bad. “Your father and mine have that in common,” he said. “I suppose it’s a small comfort to know that horrible fathers are a universal constant.”

Tainan’s brow furrowed a little, “I don’t know what that means.”

“It means they exist wherever you go,” Dorian explained.

“Oh,” Tainan nodded, and then considered that for a moment. “Yeah, I guess they do.”


	5. Cooking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ficlet written for the prompt "Cooking Together" for pairing Dorian/Tainan/Idhren

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a prompt on tumblr that I wrote a couple months back. Please excuse me for being too lazy to actually think of a dish for them to cook. Use your imagination.
> 
> [My tumblr](http://erandir.tumblr.com) is always accepting prompts!

“Since when do you know how to cook?” Dorian asked curiously. It had been surprising enough when Idhren and Tainan dragged him down to the kitchen. He wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting, but it wasn’t Idhren shooing out the kitchen staff, dropping a heavy cookbook onto the table, and rolling up his sleeves.

Idhren arched an eyebrow and gave him a slightly disbelieving look. “I lived four years with the Dalish, how do you think I ate?”

“I never thought about it,” Dorian admitted. He watched as Idhren opened the cookbook and flipped to a marked page. “I suppose I just assumed Tainan did most of your cooking.”

“Idhren doesn’t like my cooking,” Tainan pouted as they looked at the cookbook over Idhren’s shoulder.

“Your cooking is fine,” Idhren replied with the weary patience of someone who had had this conversation a hundred times before. “It’s edible, at least. But I’m sorry I don’t want to live on stew and roast meat for the rest of my life. I need some variety or I’ll go mad.”

“You city folk are so spoiled,” Tainan complained. They gave up attempting to read the cookbook over Idhren’s shoulder after realizing there were no pictures and instead flopped down onto a stool beside the kitchen worktable.

Dorian smiled in amusement. “Well, you are just full of surprises, aren’t you?” he teased lightly. “And what are you making today that requires my presence?”

Idhren looked up from the book and grinned, sly and smug. “This is a Tevene cookbook,” he informed.

That piqued Dorian’s interest. “Is it really?” he asked, and finally left the doorway to come read over Idhren’s shoulder. “Where in the world did you find this?”

“I requisitioned it,” Idhren explained simply. “Because I got tired of listening to you complain about southern cuisine, and so that Tainan could try something new. It took me ages to find something in here we could actually make, though. So much of the fruits and spices don’t grow in this climate so it’s impossible to get them fresh, and if it’s not fresh then what is even the point?”

Dorian laughed, “Careful, you’re beginning to sound like nobility,” he teased. Idhren scowled and elbowed him in the stomach, drawing a soft ‘oof’ of pain from the man and a snicker from Tainan. “Well what are we making today then?”

“This,” Idhren pointed to a heading midway down the page.

Dorian read the name of the dish over his shoulder. “Ambitious,” he murmured. “Are you certain this is within your capabilities?”

“Well I’ve never actually used an oven before,” Idhren was forced to admit. He’d learned to cook over open campfires, everything the Dalish cooked was either stewed, roasted, or fried, baking wasn’t really an option. “But I’m sure between the three of us we can figure it out,” he said confidently. “Tainan,” he turned his attention to the redhead, who perked up at finally being included, “Help me find all the ingredients.”

Tainan was up out of their seat in an instant and over at Idhren’s side, awaiting instructions.

“And what am I to do, then?” Dorian asked.

Idhren listed off a few things for Tainan to fetch and after the hunter had gone off to find them he turned to look at Dorian. “Have you ever cooked a single thing in your entire life?” he asked.

Offended, Dorian crossed his arms over his chest and answered, “I’ll have you know I camped in the Hinterlands for two weeks before you lot showed up in Redcliffe.”

“Yes,” Idhren said patiently, “But did you actually cook anything while you were out there? Or did you eat rations and whatever Felix snuck out to you?” The scowl that he received was answer enough, but Idhren just smiled and patted his arm. “You just sit there and look pretty. I’ll let you know if there’s something you can help with.”

Dorian scoffed and rolled his eyes. What was the point of dragging him down here, then? But he found somewhere out of the way to stand, and watched. Idhren and Tainan worked together with the ease of familiarity born from years living in tight quarters with each other. Such realizations used to make him feel slightly jealous, but that had faded with time and now watching Idhren issue directions and Tainan jump to follow them filled him with nothing but fondness.

Idhren did find a task for him eventually. “Something even a beginner can’t mess up,” he informed Dorian. And if they didn’t entirely figure out the oven at least nothing caught fire or burned too badly. And the end result, while hardly perfect was edible and actually rather good. And Tainan liked it enough that Idhren promised to try again sometime. So on the whole Dorian would call the endeavor a success.


	6. The Winter Palace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place shortly after Idhren and Tainan invite Dorian into their relationship. I'm having trouble writing that particular scene, so for now I'm just going to skip it and move on. Everything from hereon will be after the relationship is established, though not necessarily in chronological order.

Idhren unwound Tainan’s hair from the braids and knots and bits of string that held the mass of red strands off their face, washed it, brushed and brushed and brushed until it shone like liquid fire. Let down for the first time in weeks it hung past Tainan’s shoulder blades. Then he presented them to Vivienne and Josephine for input.

Josephine actually gasped softly when she set eyes on Tainan, freshly bathed and groomed and dressed in something that was not armor for once, hair tumbling in loose waves down their back.

“Darling, you’ve been holding out on us,” Vivienne scolded with a smile. “I had no idea there was such a handsome man under all that mess. Though I suppose I never should have doubted your tastes, Inquisitor.”

“Not a man,” Tainan grumbled quietly, but the commented went ignored by Vivienne. Idhren squeezed their shoulder comfortingly.

“Can I trust you to find them something suitable to wear to the Winter Palace?” Idhren asked. “You will, of course, never be able to get them into shoes, but I’m certain you can find some compromise.”

On cue, both women’s eyes glanced down to Tainan’s feet, which were bare as always. Vivienne’s lips twisted distastefully, but Josephine only looked mildly concerned. “Well, I’m certain we can work something out.”

And work something out they did. Ever since they first hired a tailor to Skyhold Tainan had avoided the woman like the plague. Harrit made armor, and that was all Tainan needed. But now with Josephine latched onto one arm and Vivienne’s heels clicking on the stone floor behind them there was no escape. Poked and prodded, measured and draped for well over an hour, Tainan was beginning to regret letting Idhren talk them into attending this royal ball. Not that they would ever make Idhren face human nobility alone.

But Tainan was certain the whole affair would be miserable, even as they dressed the afternoon before and let Josephine fuss with their hair until she was satisfied with the way it shone and the way the braids sat. The hunter was miserable all the way up until Idhren walked into the room, dressed up in his own uniform, blue and gold, lines accentuating the slimness of his waist and soft leather boots climbing up the length of his legs. And the way his eyes lit up when he saw Tainan.

“You look amazing,” Idhren gushed, eyes running up and down the length of Tainan’s body as he crossed the room. “And shoes!” he exclaimed, gaze landing on Tainan’s feet. “You got them into shoes.”

“It was no small effort,” Josephine said, a little pride in her voice.

“They’re uncomfortable,” Tainan complained.

Idhren laughed softly. “But they look fantastic on you,” he assured, stopping in front of Tainan and looking them up and down once more. “It all looks fantastic on you. Thank you for agreeing,” he looked up again and met Tainan’s eyes as Josephine made a covert exit to finish readying herself. “I know you don’t like this, but I’ll feel much better with you there.”

“The only reason I’m wearing shoes is because Josephine said people would talk badly about you if I didn’t,” Tainan told him.

“That’s probably true,” Idhren was forced to admit. He offered Tainan an apologetic smile, “They’ll say bad things anyway, though. About both of us.”

“Knife-ear,” Tainan frowned. Idhren nodded in confirmation. “Will it be… Like it was for you in Tevinter?” That was the real reason Tainan had agreed to all this. They knew how much he hated nobility, and worried that this would bring back bad memories. They would never make Idhren face that alone.

“Maybe,” Idhren shrugged. “I think people will pay more attention to me this time,” he added with a wry smile. “But that’s why I’m glad you’ll be there.” He rose up onto his toes, hands on Tainan’s strong shoulders, and brushed their lips together softly in the barest hint of a kiss. “Thank you.”

“I’d do anything for you,” Tainan murmured, leaning down to give him a proper kiss this time.

“You’re too good for me,” Idhren sighed when they parted again. “After tonight we can burn those boots if you want.”

“I like the way you think,” Tainan laughed.

Idhren beamed up at them and that was the entire reason Tainan had agreed to this.

 

* * *

 

Tainan had never seen anything like the Winter Palace. They had been to Val Royeaux, of course, trailed after Idhren to a handful of nobles’ estates, including the one they were staying at here in Halamshiral, but the Winter Palace was on another level.

“Try not to stare too much,” Idhren advised in an undertone as they passed through the main gates and into the palace courtyard. It must have been the hundredth piece of advice Tainan had heard so far that day, and it was becoming difficult to remember it all. Don’t stare, don’t look uncomfortable in this uniform, don’t answer any questions, don’t let people treat you like a servant, but also don’t insult them if they do.

Well, Tainan didn’t actually have to talk to anyone outside the Inquisition. They could find somewhere out of the way to wait for Idhren’s instructions. Try not to be noticed.

That sounded exactly like Idhren’s stories about Tevinter.

“Are you ready to go in?” Idhren’s soft voice pulled Tainan out of their thoughts – and away from their staring. “We’ll be announced in the ballroom, in front of the empress and the court. You don’t have to say anything unless the empress greets you, and if she does just say that it’s a pleasure and you’re honored to be here.”

Idhren didn’t look nearly as uncomfortable as Tainan felt, but his shoulders were tense and his encouraging smile somewhat strained. Tainan tried to return that smile. “I understand.”

“Good,” Idhren replied, though none of the tension left his posture. “After that I’ll have to talk to people, but you can go off if you want.”

“You don’t want me to stay with you?” Tainan asked, confused.

“There’s no reason both of us need to suffer,” Idhren tried to joke. “It’s up to you. And I won’t be offended, either. I know you’re uncomfortable here. If it gets to be too much go find Dorian, he’ll take care of you.”

Even when he was so obviously tense and uncomfortable himself, Idhren was trying to reassure Tainan and make sure they were not overwhelmed. Because of that, as they finally entered the palace Tainan resolved to stay by Idhren’s side as often as they were able tonight. Until they were announced to the court.

“Lord Inquisitor Idhren Lavellan, and his husband Lord Tainan Lavellan.”

“Did you know they were going to introduce me that way?” Tainan asked when they stepped to the side of the ballroom after the introductions were done.

“No,” Idhren admitted. “Maybe Josephine thought ‘husband’ sounded more impressive than ‘fiance’.”

That wasn’t the part that bothered Tainan, but they just nodded and let the subject drop. It was a small matter, really, compared to their purpose here. It should have been a small matter, at least. But it continued. Lord. Sir. He. The _shemlen_ didn’t know or care, Tainan had expected that to some extent, but they had not expected the sting of it to build up quite so painfully.

Idhren noticed. Of course he did. Noticed how his pointed emphasis on the correct terms went ignored, noticed how Tainan began to flinch and fidget at each infraction. But Tainan didn’t dare try and correct anyone because they didn’t know the polite way to do it.

“Go,” Idhren urged when they finally had a quiet moment to step out of the ballroom. “Get something to drink, find Dorian. You don’t have to put up with this.”

“And leave you alone?” Tainan asked, concerned despite their discomfort.

“I’ll be fine,” Idhren assured, “I’m used to this. And right now I’m worrying more about you than about assassins. Go take a moment to relax. If I need anything I’ll come find you.”

“If you’re sure,” Tainan murmured.

“I’m sure,” Idhren insisted. “Go.”

Tainan wanted to kiss him, but didn’t know if that was allowed at the moment, so they merely nodded and slipped out of the ballroom. They had not had a chance to see much of the rest of the palace – what was open to the guests, anyway - and had no idea where to begin looking for Dorian, or anyone else for that matter. So they wandered, allowing themselves to stare a little bit while passing through less crowded halls, and eventually found a door leading to a small courtyard. Fresh air would be a blessing. The ballroom had been stuffy, air thick with too much perfume, and even the other halls Tainan passed through were stagnant.

The night air was chill by comparison, but it was a welcome difference. There were still several nobles milling about here, but it felt less crowded with the evening breeze in their hair and the open sky above.

And across the courtyard a familiar face that instantly improved Tainan’s mood.

“I didn’t expect to see you parted from the Inquisitor’s side,” Dorian commented as Tainan came up to stand next to him.

“I didn’t want to be,” Tainan replied “He sent me to get drinks.”

“You’ve wandered a bit farther than the hors d’oeuvres table,” Dorian observed.

“And to get some air,” Tainan admitted begrudgingly. The whole point in coming along was to be able to support Idhren, but so far it had been rather the opposite.

“Ah,” Dorian sighed in understanding. “Courtly politics can be a bit much if you aren’t used to them, I completely understand.”

Politics Tainan was learning to handle, if it had been only that they might not have felt quite so uncomfortable at Idhren’s side. “It’s not just that,” they murmured. It was embarrassing to admit, and they wondered whether Dorian would even understand. This seemed like the sort of place Dorian would feel right at home, Idhren had already said how much he was reminded of Tevinter.

“Oh?” Dorian turned curious as he watched Tainan slump back against a decorative statue at the edge of the courtyard. “What else has put you in such an uncharacteristic mood, then?”

“They introduced me as his husband,” Tainan muttered.

“Yes, I noticed that. Not strictly correct, I’ll grant,” Dorian commented, “But I’d have thought that particular slip up would please you.”

“I didn’t mind, but…” Tainan hesitated. Dorian didn’t slip up anymore, most people in Skyhold didn’t anymore, but he didn’t truly understand, either. He knew it made Tainan uncomfortable to be gendered, the same way it distressed Idhren to be called anything remotely feminine. But he couldn’t understand what it felt like. “Everyone is calling me ‘lord’ and ‘messere’ and… And I’m not a man. And I don’t know how to correct anyone without starting a war on accident.”

“Wars have certainly been started over less,” Dorian quipped. That wasn’t particularly comforting, however, and as Tainan cringed Dorian quickly tried to recover. “I’m certain if Josephine had realized it would cause you such distress she would have ensured you were announced correctly.”

“I know,” Tainan said. But it was too late now. They would simply have to bear the entirety of the Orlesian court addressing them incorrectly. Hopefully the evening would pass quickly.

 

* * *

 

The evening did not pass quickly. It was long and tiring, and Tainan was glad when it was over. Well, it wasn’t strictly over, but the politics and the assassination attempts were done. And Tainan was eager to be free of the Winter Palace. And free of this uncomfortable uniform.

“I guess it’s rude to leave right after saving the empress’ life?” Tainan asked. They had retreated with Idhren to a balcony adjacent to the ballroom; fresh air and quiet privacy for the first time that night.

Idhren quirked an amused smile and leaned his elbows against the railing. “I imagine it would be,” he said. “But we could actually enjoy the party now, if you’d like.”

“Well, you could,” Tainan replied. There was little here than was of any interest to them. “Dorian said the drinks are good.”

“Passable, I should think,” Dorian’s voice interrupted from the doorway leading back to the ballroom. “You know I would never call anything Orlesian ‘good’.”

Idhren huffed a breathy laugh as he turned slightly to face the man, “You always find something to complain about, don’t you?”

“One must have some way to make these events bearable,” Dorian said. “I see yours is still impersonating the architecture. And when the party is for you, even.”

“The party’s not for me,” Idhren said.

“Not at the start, but it certainly is now,” Dorian replied. “You saved the day. Literally, the day is saved. You should be celebrating.”

“I think we’re both perfectly fine out here,” Idhren replied.

Dorian glanced back and forth between the two elves. This thing between the three of them was still new, and he wasn’t entirely certain where he fit in yet. Times like this he couldn’t help wondering if he was intruding, if the two of them didn’t actually want him around outside of their bed.

“I’m fine out here,” Tainan said. “My feet hurt. But you should go have fun.” They nudged Idhren lightly with a shoulder and gave him a pointed look.

“I’m not going to leave you out here to mope all by yourself,” Idhren protested.

“I’m not moping,” Tainan argued, “I’m just tired.” Then they turned their gaze up toward Dorian and said, “You should ask him to dance. He likes dancing.”

“Do you?” Dorian asked in surprise. He had never seen Idhren dance – the earlier instance with the Grand Duchess aside. “I would never have guessed. You were always so antisocial at parties.”

“I didn’t exactly have a wealth of interested partners, you’ll recall,” Idhren grumbled.

Dorian hesitated for only a moment, because the offer was clear, the opportunity presented to him on a silver platter. “Well then,” he proffered a hand and a shallow bow, “Shall we?”

Idhren took in his pose and the hint of a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth, one he seemed almost afraid to let out. “Are you serious?”

Tainan was grinning now, from behind Idhren’s shoulder, and that was all the further encouragement Dorian needed. “Dreadfully serious.”

 Idhren case a glance over at Tainan, as though asking permission, and the redhead merely rolled their eyes. “Go on,” they urged, shoving Idhren lightly. “Go dance with your magister,” they teased, “I’ll be here.”

The smile broke free across Idhren’s face. Leaning up on his toes he placed a soft kiss on Tainan’s cheek, murmuring a quick “love you” before finally accepting Dorian’s hand.


End file.
